Allowing Love

Hey! Been a long time, since May actually. I wanted to share this tid bit of what God shared with me. I am not sure who is still connected to this but there is also a new Google Group that Christina and I started, following the link winchester-connection@googlegroups.com, but I do not know what it takes to join it or anything much about it.
So God revealed to me that I am not allowing myself to be loved by Him or Christina. This just seriously came to me this morning at my Crazy Love Small Group at The Rock of Roseville. I have been praying about my attitude for months and God showed me this is one of my root issues. I am failing to allow love to be poured on me because I do not feel I am worthy of it, I do not deserve it. I know myself better than anyone else but, a huge but actually, God knows me better than I even know me so the result of that is I know He loves me even though He knows me. Not sure if that made sense so let me try again, so I can even get a better grip on it.
I thought I knew me better than anyone else ever, but God created me so then He knows me better than I will ever know me. The result is that God loves me regardless of knowing every intimate detail about me. Which results in God loving regardless. That is a revelation of God's love.
I find myself resisting the love my wife gives me and getting angry about it. The anger comes from not feeling worthy of anyone's love. Through this revelation I discovered that this is the very reason I get so irritated and angry with my Dad when he begins to tickle me or mess with me. I even find myself getting angry when he calls me buddy roe (however you spell that Floridian word). I see this is a root to many of my relational problems. This root is deep down and something I am full on waging war against now.
I share this not so anyone could have sympathy or feel bad for me. I share this because God has instructed me to share what He gives me with others so they know they are not alone and so I know I am not alone, because this is my way of showing you how to pray for me in my life and in my relationships, and because maybe this will help you.
Looking forward to any response. God Bless!

Gary Winchester Jr

Day 22 to Day 24 of 40 Day Fast

Day 22, Tuesday May 12th. I spent an hour in prayer at RHOP (Rock House Of Prayer) and then I spent an hour and a half at JoCo (Joseph Company) for Marketplace Christians. Time needed in prayer and study. Mike Everson and Gil Hodges prayed for me and it was much needed.

Day 23, Wednesday May 13th. I barely dragged my behind to work. I have not been motivated at all. The changes made recently discouraged me. I felt I was doing things that were necessary but learned they were not. I thought the things I was doing was helpful but when I was told, "We never asked you to do that. I do not know why you would do anything other than sales." It was the comments that broke my motivation. I am trying to pick myself up off the ground but it is very difficult. I spent an hour in RHOP again today praying for Hope and Salvation for friends and family.

Day 24, Thursday May 14th. Today I looked at myself in the mirror and got frustrated at how I was allowing changes to affect my work ethics. I shaved my gotee and got ready for work. It was an acquired day though because I drove long distances. All my boss seems to care about is quantity, how many places I go a day but does not take into consideration the drive time or other events. This honestly frustrates me even more now. I stayed later than I should making sure I type all my notes into our database. Jordyn set up 3 appointments for me for Friday, Monday and Tuesday which is pretty cool especially since it was only her 2nd day of doing cold calls. Normally I would be excited for her but I find myself still very discouraged.

I have been praying for a release from where I am and for a great opportunity somewhere else to come along at the same time. I never enjoyed being just the "sales guy" at Patrol Plus. I did enjoy talking to employees, checking the reports for accountability, following up with clients and dealing with Post Orders and trying to streamline the company. I enjoy feeling like I am making a difference with the employees, much more than I enjoy just being the "sales guy." I miss being a manager! I miss being appreciated for the things I do. I am currently struggling with sales and have not had a contract so far this year, I am wondering if I will get fired. I seem to be sensitive to the atmosphere and attitudes so I know something is coming but I don't know what.

I am trusting God to provide a way and he has never let me down. I am learning to rely on God for encouragement and not man. Although this road is weary I will walk through the valley of the shadow of death with my head held high without fear because He comforts and guides me directing my every step. This is a season of HOPE!

Day 10 to 21 of 40 Day Fast

(must be doing something right, got the thumbs up from Jesus, j/k)

It has been a while so I am going to skip to the present.  I was suppose to be doing this every day but I can say this, Day 15 to 17 I was sick and had to stay home from work.  I do not like being home all day so of course I went out when I could and usually regretted it.  

Day 19, Saturday May 19th.  I played in a one pitch indoor softball tournament at Arena Softball (www.arenasoftball.com).  I have not played softball in about 2 months and we played 5 games which is equal to 5 hours.  It is played very different than outdoor.  We tied our 1st game and lost the other 4 games, so we were 0-4-1 overall.  Chrissy came to watch the last two games with her boxing buddy Nicole.  After the game we ate Ufood Grill together.  Hanging out with Nicole was fun and was a very different experience than expected.  All I can say is that it was a divine meeting time for me at a few points and was an blessed time.  After eating our friend Jack "Minister RMB" came over and got to meet Nicole also.  He got some health tips and got to share some of his story with Nicole, which was definitely a divine appointment.  We went to Red Mango Yogurt with Jack and got to see him before he went on tour Monday (yesterday).  Was a great day although I blew my fast with my temper with a teammate talking trash to me.  I was more upset at my attitude than at what he said in the end, so it took some time to get over.

Day 10, Sunday May 10th, Mother's Day.  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!  This day marks a 23 year anniversary of when I first accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.  Although I walked away for 5 years it was a great day to celebrate my Moms (Pam and Debbie).  The prayers of both are covering me and have sought me out my entire life.  The importance of a mother goes beyond any words could ever express.  Mothers are a BLESSING!  Chrissy and I got to spend the morning/ afternoon at church listening to Havilah Cunnington, who is an awesome speaker.  Then we got to have dinner with her family (Lori, Tony and Haley).  It was a good time talking, hanging out, eating and watching Bride Wars.  I hoping to get to honor Lori as a mother should be honored one day, this is a prayer of mine.  It was a a fun and relaxing time.

I am on Day 22, Tuesday May 12th at RHOP (Rock House Of Prayer) for my 5am to 6am prayer session and for JoCo (Joseph Company - Market Place Christians).  Have to memorize scripture from Hebrews 9 and 10, long one this week.

This update is not all that great because I waited far too long to write.  Hope you enjoy it anyways.  Love and Miss ya'll (still got some FL boy in me, LOL).

Day 7 to 9 of 40 Day Fast

Day 7, April 27th. I got to spend an hour in RHOP studying and praying. I have been learning that prayer works, more each day. I went to Business Math class and attempted to learn, its difficult when everyone is frustrated to no end because it is a difficult subject. I could nor would I ever teach math, please dont ask me to Lord. Was not that eventful of a day, which is usually a good thing but also means be ready for the next day.

Day 8, April 28th. Spent an hour in RHOP studying the book of James chapter 1 verses 9 through 11. It talks about being lowly, humble, not prideful or haughty. Today I was frustrated so I sent my boss an email asking permission to make changes to what I am doing at work. I have not been just doing sales because I was put in this company by God to serve my bosses. After talking to him about it in person I discovered that I was not really being much help by doing the things I did. His statement to me telling him I would be focusing on more sales was, we never asked you to do anything other than sales. To be honest I got very upset and angry because there were things that needed to be done and were not getting done so I jumped in to do them. I got mad because I served and helped but it went unnoticed. As I was cooking at home God told me, your burden is light and your yoke is easy. I said, WOW! Lord is that all you have to say. Then I felt peace because it is true, my burden got lighter because I dont have to worry about anything other than sales which is pretty simple compared to everything I was doing. The difficult part will be changing things, like all our Northern California employees calling dispatch instead of me. I then went to school with Chrissy, Biblical Literatur: Hebrews. We had a sub, Pastor T, and it was a great class. Went through chapter 2 and half of chapter 3.

Day 9, April 29th. Had a meeting with a client in an attempt to obtain all the other properties in the company, 9 more in Sacramento and 6 in the Bay Area. Meeting went well and I am hoping for a move by God in this. Went to RHOP after work and realize God has given me a great teacher for my 40 Day Fast, James. Read the rest of James 1, with no journal and without my Bible so it was not really studying it. It is deep stuff, James is a teacher for sure. God really moves in his writing, I hope to write a book one day and the authors that inspire me the most to do this is God, Matthew, James and Max Lucado. I hope to write a book that touches the heart of people and provokes change by the Holy Spirit. Later Chrissy got her eyebrows waxed and Haley came over. So glad I am not in High School any more, its a tough time to be in High School, nothing bad happened but just things she has said before. Chrissy and I made a change from Verizon Wireless to AT&T tonight which is a huge change. She has been with Verizon for 5 plus years and we have had them since we met. We can save about $25 a month and that will help, it is scary though. Hope our service stays good, please God let us always have full signal (just kidding, but really please...LOL). Yeah I pretty much crak myself up.

PS> Jen, my sister, has been a huge blessing! I follow her on Twitter, really awesome to see the change in her heart. God will bless her and use her to bless others, already started. LOVE YOU JEN! Dane, Scott, Hunter and Brandon, Love and miss you so much! You have been a blessing in many ways to us. Mom and Dad, miss you so much. I saw our pics from Florida, the one that Chrissy took of me crying while saying good bye, it is pretty funny. I started to laugh just because she took a pic of me crying, who does that. Thank you for being who you are! Enjoy North Carolina! Don't work so stinking hard.

Day 3 to 6 of 40 Day Fast

(Haley Jr. Prom Pic, I barely got this pic)

Day 3 was last Thursday, April 23rd. I missed half of the day of work because of a migraine but I accomplished a lot. I visited 9 properties that are managed by the same company and we already service 2 of the properties. I have a meeting on the 29th to see if I can close all the companies properties. We also had to drop off our Scion to get the 60,000 mile service.


Day 4 was last Friday, April 24th. We both got off work early to attend the Joseph Company Conference which is a ministry for Marketplace Christians. We arrived a little late because I turned the wrong way and had to back track. It was a very good conference. We also picked up the Scion and it was about $160 less than what we were quoted which helped pay for some materials, dinner and part of our Lake Tahoe Trip. God always provides.


Day 5 was last Saturday, April 25th. I had a Homeowners Association Board Members Seminar for a property management company we provide services for so I missed the Joseph Company Conference. The first speaker at the seminar was a lawyer that apparently did not like security officers or security companies. It was so acquired because everyone kept looking back at me while she talked about "security" which she kept doing the quotation fingers for. I tried to maintain my attitude and feel I did well. Overall I had fun. Chrissy went to the Joseph Company Conference and said it was great. They had a panel of people who had some outstanding credentials, she made me wish I went. Chrissy did her sisters make up for her Junior Prom. I barely made it to see Haley leave for the dance but she looked like a princess. We then left for Lake Tahoe to help at Family Life's Weekend To Remember Conference. We got in around 8pm to the hotel and met up with everyone in the lobby as we checked in. We got to talk with George and Debbie, our team leaders. We also played some UNO and discovered I have 3 wins and 1 loss.


Day 6 was Sunday, April 26th. We had to get up early to meet up with everyone to go over the day. We were both exhausted because we did not sleep well at all, tossing and turning all night waking up every hour. Chrissy had to go out in the cold to direct the women to their location, the men and women split up on Sunday morning. We met up in the prayer room and got to see George and Debbie there. We prayed for the sessions and a few requests. It was an awesome time in prayer. The request I prayed for was from a mother about her son, the cool part is that after I went to the restroom and actually talked with the father. God has a wonderful sense of humor. It was a really neat thing to experience, although I did not talk about his wife's request I did get to see his face light up when we talked about hunting, which I have never done but got to share hope with him. We then went to a meeting for others who want to participate in the Family Life Ministry and I met Micky and Sharon. When I saw Micky God sparked a desire to speak with him and share part of God's heart for him. I walked up to him and after speaking to him and his wife for a minute I got to pray with them and for them, was awesome. We then finished up the conference and heard great testimony of hope and restoration. After we all met up to go over the responses for the weekend. We are our lunch, read some out loud and picked our top 10 and our number 1. It was a very wonderful experience. We were blessed with the atmosphere, the beautiful scenery and to be with wonderful people. We had a great weekend over all.

Day 2 of 40 Day Fast

"With a Sword in my hand I wage War with my enemy."

Well this day will start with the end of my work day yesterday.

At the end of my work day I got informed that something was wrong with an employees overtime, which I felt bad for because I oked it. It was a problem and was told to fix it. Before school my wife and I got into a bit of an argument. We went to school although neither of us want to. After school my wife washed my feet! It was difficult for me to allow and was very humbling but I was greatly honored and amazed. Then my wife read a prayer over me about God's Joy because of what I am fasting. I can say Day 1 ended well.

Today it was difficult to not drink soda or an energy drink and to limit my coffee intake because I am so exhausted and my head has been aching. The good news is that I have had no soda, energy drink and kept my coffee intake to a low (2 cups).

I did struggle a bit with my attitude after a client called with an issue. I did maintain it from that point on. Overall it has been a great day so far.

A really cool note I wanted to add is that my sister asked me about fasting and washing feet.

Which you can find here under Fasting Documents, http://www.rockofroseville.com/items-of-interest/. I am looking forward to going to RHOP, the Rock House Of Prayer, tonight for an hour to pray.

40 Day Fast April 21 - May 30

Our home church, The Rock of Roseville, is having a church wide 40 Day Fast. My first thought was, oh boy God is going to challenge me. It is going to stretch me and I know it. To be honest though, I am so excited about it though. I seriously am excited and have been counting down to start the 40 Day Fast for almost two weeks. This is not the normal thing for me to do or the normal way I would act about a fast.

God has called me to fast profanity, anger and negativity. I will be fasting negative attitude, thoughts and language. I will be fasting soda as well. The most challenging part is the focusing on Joy and the Positive which will be in my attitude, thoughts and language. I will also be doing a 40 day study on the book of James. It is really neat for me to see it laid out like this. God is taking care of my emotional, mental and physical parts of my life. God is basically cleansing me through these next 40 days.

Our church also has a House of Prayer, the Rock House of Prayer (RHOP), so they are going to be open 24/7 for the next 40 days for the fast. I have signed up to be there 3 hours a week but Christina and I will be signing up for some to do together. This morning was my first hour and it has shown me there is much in store for me. Looking forward to the next 40 days!

www.therockofroseville.com

Isaiah David Winchester

Isaiah David Winchester is going to be the name of our first born son.
We decided to name him Isaiah after the great prophet of the Old Testament.
Isaiah keeps popping up whenever we move towards Jesus so we saw this fitting. I discovered this tonight....From the Hebrew name יְשַׁעְיָהוּ (Yesha'yahu) meaning "YAHWEH is salvation". His name actually mean YAHWEH is salvation. Wow what a mandate on his life! I pray for him a lot because he is going to do more in the name of God then I ever could imagine doing. I also pray that I am going to be the father that he needs to do the things God will do through him. Good thing Jesus is preparing him now. Rest in the arms of the savior my son.
We decided to make his middle name David because of the second and greatest king of Israel. I love the heart of David and so long to be like him, a man after Gods own heart. He was a man who stumbled but ended up on his face in the dirt fighting for his unborn child and when his child passed he got up, dusted himself and carried on with the Lord. I so long to be able to do that after making a mistake instead of sulking about it after. I claim this over my son now, that he will be able to dust himself off and carry on with the Lord. I also discovered this tonight....Possibly derived from Hebrew דוד (dvd) meaning "beloved". My sons name is DVD, kind of funny but means beloved. My son will be the beloved of Jesus and walk with him all the days of his life. I also chose David because of Psalms 23 and the impact it had on my life.
We chose Isaiah because he will be a prophet and we chose David because he will be king that serves. He will prophecy great things in the Kingdom of the Lords. I am not worried about him living up to anything other than who God created him to be. I do know that he will make mistakes and my prayer is that I will respond in those mistakes as Jesus would respond to me in my mistakes.
Abba,
I pray for Isaiah David tonight. Although he is not born yet I pray over him tonight. Always keep him close to you and his head against your chest. Let your love drip on his head and his cup always over flow. Teach him mercy, grace and kindness but most importantly teach him your love. Fill him with your Spirit from birth that he may always know your name. Keep him humble that pride would not stumble him. Guard his heart that it may never be hard. Protect him from the attacks of the enemy for he is called by you. Help me raise him the way he needs to be raised and teach me how to raise him the way a father should raise a son. Lord, guide him always that his path would not lead him astray. Mark him now as he is from you and of you. He will be a blessing to those around him. Fill us with your love for him that we can teach him your love and your ways Father. I lift him up to you that he would always be in your arms.
I pray this in Your Sons precious name, AMEN!

My Night at the Arena

Last night I, Gary, had two back to back games at Arena Softball at 9pm and 10pm. The league is a called Draft League because the players are drafted onto a team so the competition is good. It most definitely has made me into a better player on our Sunday Coed Team. If you want to know more you can visit www.arenasoftball.com.

I played Center Field since we have so many good players and I seem to be pretty decent out there. So Game 1 for me went ok but the problem was my attitude. Whenever I make a mistake I get mad at myself. We all know in sports when you do that you ruin your own game because you play worse. I don't just get mad some times though. I can tend to kick or throw my glove like a 2 or 3 year old pitching a fit in a store because they cannot get the toy or candy they want. Yes it is a pity party or a tantrum. When I do this typically a profanity will fly out of my mouth, attempting to say it under my breath so I dint look so horrible, as if throwing or kicking my glove does not look bad already. Like I said though Game 1 was not so bad. On the other hand Game 2 was the one.

Yep! Game 2 was the game I acted a fool. As Mr. T use to say, "I pity da fool." Well I pity the fool I was last night. At least once an inning for the first 3 innings I kicked my glove and threw it and yelled and yes said a few curse words. Not a proud moment for this Bible College Student and professing CHRISTIAN. It got so bad that my teammates moved me out of my Center Field position into the Right Field position. Not because of my mistakes but because I was acting like a FOOL! After my position switching I hit a home run which I did not deserve and I asked to pitch from that point on for the night which I was calm and good at. Then I hit another home run which I really did not deserve but God was great to me in my tantrum. There is one thing I walked away with last night though.

I truly understand what walk the walk would look like and feel like. I was the only one on my team acting like a FOOL last night and I am a Bible College Student and a Christian. Not my brightest moment. I say things I should not say and I throw tantrums and I should not throw tantrums. I am not saying I should act or be perfect but I should be more aware of my actions and my words along with who is around me at all times, Jesus. I believe I drove the nails in His hands and feet once again last night. Yes I was very foolish but God is good and I know He has forgiven me but I wanted to write this for accountability sake. This is not a confessional letter but a letter for a cry of accountability from all.